Aint posted in a few days wrote something new hope it helps someone

Stepping outside to take a look in gotta right all my wrongs its a list that dont end some of us struggle forgiving our past but we gotta do it or sobriety wont last time to stop and breath try to take it all in do it right the first time or ill be back agian do it right the first time and i could still use agian using is an option as bad as i hate to say whoever has the most time is who got up earlier today funny we fill ourselves up with false pride like we are ok and we have a great life when deep down we know nothings ever alright and we know thats a lie we’re so afraid of the truth so we rely on the lies the fear of rejection the fear of of the day the fear of always failing its a feeling we hate and when we hate we make the mistake of lettin the evil in im here to tell u happiness is a predetermined feeling my friend so never start the day with hate start it with thank u god for waking me up today i know im not fit for much of anything but for some reason u seen for this body to work thru and even tho im clueless u show me what to do u taught me how to walk but first i had to crawl you chose to work thru me when i got all these flaws i know i do this for me i dont do it for yall i got tired of the dope and the ever beckoning call of the demon in my head tryin to get me to fall i was consumed by the hate and on hate demons feed i tried place fault i was to blind to see who destroyed my life who hurt people me with the answer in front of me the whole fuckin time what the hell was i doin pretending i was fine when i hated my lifei tried to end it 3 times but that wasnt the answer and its back in the past there aint nothing on earth i can do to change that i try to figure out what gods plan is for me but the future aint clear its so hard to see and catch my self dwelling and wondering why god gave a person like me another life a second chance after all the shit that i did he must of knew that id make it in the end he must have shed so many tears for me as he watched me destroy everything that was dear tome and everything that i loved and its gone now but my life doesnt end today and the work it dont stop with god right beside me ima climb to the top of the mountain ima grunt ima grind ima stay on my feet ill get bruised illbe tired i may even bleed and quittin is out of the question till i get to peak and god gives it back 10 fold so ill shout in excitement i dont know what to say and hits me i gotta choice everyday and dont have to use today and i aint gotta live that way so i hit my knees and pray god thank you for waking me today