Friends
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Been a rough week fell on my face and have into my habit really kicking myself for that
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I get up with a greatfull heart and open mind everyday I owe it all the the step works London staff angels on earth love y'all -
Well after several meetings and some listening I've found me a sponsor Chad A he's got seven years clean I know it's going to be a journey I'm looking forward too.Thank you Step works for pointing me in the right direction my love goes out to all the ones that work at London Stepworks -
When my brain and my heart are at constant battle, it’s usually my liver that takes the grunt of it. Thank God for another day and a solution to get this mess out of my head!
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So, I've been clean since January because I did have 2 relapses but the last one damn near could have killed me! I went into a horrible seizure and fell out the shower and I landed on my mouth, hence losing 5 teeth which did major damage on my self esteem. I get ANGRY when the thought of my past usage comes into my mind because I don't want to use and I don't have any desire to use. Let me enlighten you about something that happened at my work a couple weeks ago and I was livid. I'm now a cna and I love my job! Well, I have a lot of hyper energy and I love to make my residents happy and most of them love me! Well, I work with someone who is in the NA program like myself, from the Lexington area okay. I had a nurse approach me and ask me what I was on and she doesn't know me from Adam and Eve. I told her I wasn't on anything and she said she knew that I used to do drugs, and I asked her how she knew that, but she refused to tell me how, but I have a pretty good guess how, the girl from Lexington. She didn't believe me at all, and I didn't appreciate her accusatory comments, because I KNOW THAT I AM CLEAN, so the only thing I could say was I'll take a fucking drug test right now. I ended up not having to because a nurse that had left to go home, which is also a recovering addict came back to work and talked to me and she could tell that I wasn't high. So now, I went to my neurologist on Tuesday, and they know now about my past drug use, they sent me to the lab to do a urine drug screen and I can't wait to get a copy of the results because I'm going to take it to my work and shove it in the nurse's face who had no business accusing me like she did and say now tell me that I'm high! I've been doing really good and I'm only going to get better from here. Thanks y'all! -
"Recovery is a process of discovery. We learn about ourselves, and we learn how to cope with the world around us. When we are sincere in our desire to allow our higher power to care for us, we begin to gain a sense of serenity. We notice a gradual change in our thinking. Our attitudes and ideas become more positive. Our world is no longer distorted by self-pity, denial, and resentment. We are beginning to replace those old attitudes with honesty, faith and responsibility; as a result, we begin to see our world in a better light. Our lives are guided by our emerging integrity. Even though we make mistakes, we become more willing to take responsibility for our actions. We learn that we don't have to be perfect to live a spiritual life. When we work step three with an open mind and heart, we find the results are far beyond our expectations. " It Works How and Why pg24 -
Hey everyone...I remember something that was said to me at stepworks. I was ask my third time coming back what happened...what caused me to relapsed? The answer was just like everyone else who had to come back, no meetings, no sponsor, and no stepwork...and that was the truth ...and also not praying and staying spiritualy fit for life and to stay sober....I find myself in the same circle of madness again today...I have relapsed several times since I got out on July 4...I'm so ashamed and honestly can't believe I'm telling this to everyone. I'm broke and on verge of loosing everything once again. I'm in darkness inside and can't shake it off...I'm in pain inside my soul cause I can't pray to ask for help cause I'm so torn and just beat inside. All I want to do is go to a sober living in London or Corbin to be around my brothers who I have gotten to know and love. I have realized that is were I should have went as soon as I left treatment. Now I'm broke and trying to find a break to make some money to make that happen. I'm going to hit my knees in a few and ask GOD for forgiveness and turn my will over to him completely...and surrender for real. I can't do this anymore. I need my real family near me every day...my recovery family. I'm going to do whatever to make it happen...I need to swallow my pride and just do what it takes to be around recovery every day. Cause what I'm doing now is not working and I'm ready to sacrifice everything to get back down there were I feel like I have people who really care. Love and peace
