active 1 year, 11 months ago
So I've been going through it a little bit this last week, a lot of emotions.. my kids dad is in jail, he has a new girlfriend, 3 weeks, and shes been showing up at my kids games, the practices, I don't think she should be around the boys yet, so I talked to my ex, voiced my concerns, he disagreed, the gf is still gonna be coming around.. my sponsor has been telling me I need to let it go, I have no control, I am powerless, I need to trust the process. I'm pissed, because I'm right, they haven't been together that long, she shouldn't be around my kids yet, I'M RIGHT AND THEY SHOULD LISTEN, but that's not how things work, and I need t practice acceptance. Well then Friday night before a meeting, his gf came over to me yelling about what I said, being really unreasonable and nasty, I was calm and even nice at first but then I was done being nice, I was ready to knock some sense into her, my sponsor grabbed me back, it simmered down, she left right away. I left after the meeting, I went home, still pretty amped about the gf, my feelings are all over. Well my neighbor stops in, offering me my DOC, I've turned her down at least 4 times, but not then .
So day one today. I'm pissed at myself, still pissed over the other situation, I'm so fricken ashamed and embarrassed, using over something so fricken small. I know the longer I wait the more my sickness keeps saying tell him tmrw, or the other thought is the just don't say anything, keep your clean time. I know that both of those thoughts are delusional, I know I have to call my sponsor, I just am having such trouble. Agh
With God's grace, his will not mine I will keep trudging,"One Day At A Time "I fell down, I relapsed, but I got back up..it's not how many times you fall down, it's how many times you get back up. My sobriety date is 6/20/22 I want to say thank you and hi to Rich, andeveryone at stepworks I hope all is well with you guys,I cannot remember the name of my counselor but she was awesome! I'm sorry I can't remember don't judge me lol
You see meth, I see fear. You see alcohol, I see social anxiety. You see track marks, I see depression. You see a Junkie, I see someone's son. You see a prostitute, I see someone's daughter caught in addiction. You see self-centeredness, I see addiction has taken over. You see a pill head, I see over prescribing of opiates. You see someone unwilling to change, I see someone hasn't connected with them yet. You see denial, I see someone hurting. You see someone nodding out, I see God showing us they need help. You see the end, I see the beginning. You see a dope fiend, I see a future success story. You see them, I see me. #shareyourpicture #endthestigma #Septemberisrecoverymonth #onedayatatime
My 5th taught me that just because my pain is understandable doesn't make my behavior acceptable.
20 months sober as of January 27th. It works if you work it! All you gotta do is do a little work! God, sponsor, meetings, and work the steps.
